The Debt Collector

Today I met a guy that, in his own words, "lives off the stupid mistakes of other people." He is a debt collector.

"So what's the funniest or craziest thing you've heard over the phone?"

He said what follows in a weird nonchalant way with a soft grin, as if he was ordering ice cream.

"I've heard things like 'I'm gonna kill your mother,' or 'I'm gonna rape you.' I've also heard people scream they are going to blow up my office. We've had so many bomb threats the police don't even care anymore. In fact, the only person that's come to this office has come to pay a thousand dollar debt."

"So what do you say when you get those crazy threats?"

"Well, if they say 'I'm gonna kick your ___,' then I say, 'Then bring your checkbook with you because after you kick my ___ you're still gonna have to pay your debt.' Or 'Well, make sure you strap a check to the bomb.' The killing-my-mom threat made me laugh the most. I said, 'Well, my mama's going to ask you for a check so have it ready.'"

This is a guy who doesn't get offended. He gets paid.